Film: Cannibal Girls
Release date: 14th February 2011
Certificate: 15
Running time: 80 mins
Director: Ivan Reitman
Starring: Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Ronald Ulrich, Randall Carpenter, Bonnie Neilson
Genre: Comedy/Horror
Studio: Nucleus
Format: DVD
Country: Canada
This is an English-Language release.
With the long rumoured Ghostbusters III finally officially confirmed, Canadian director Ivan Reitman will be revisiting one of his early successes. But long before he joined forces with Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Slimer et al, he was responsible for sleazy 1972 B-movie Cannibal Girls. Is it a film which has stood the test of time in the same way as Ghostbusters? And will he ever make a sequel?
The plot follows goofy Cliff (a very youthful Eugene Levy) and his girlfriend Gloria (Andrea Martin) as their car breaks down in a hick town in the middle of nowhere. Stranded until the vehicle is fixed, they are forced to crash at a local motel where the elderly female owner tells them the tale of a three young women who terrorised the town by taking young men to their home to cannibalise them.
In the interim, the girls’ home has become a restaurant – and despite their misgivings, Cliff and Gloria decide to go and eat there. Unsurprisingly, they’re the only patrons, as the strange proprietor, Reverend Alex St John (Ronald Ulrich), tells them more lurid tales and three beautiful waitresses serve their dinner. Having enjoyed their meal, and with the night drawing in, the young couple decide to stay the night.
In the middle of the night, St John enters their room and Cliff is tied to the bed as Gloria is implored to kill her boyfriend with a knife. She escapes and flags down a passing car – which is handily driven by the local doctor. Having been sedated, she awakens back in her room with Cliff. Was her nightmare night just a bad dream?
Cannibal Girls begins worryingly. Unless it’s directed by Mike Leigh, any film which proudly announces that the dialogue has been developed by the cast ought to set alarm bells ringing. And in this instance, it’s an entirely appropriate response. Further concerns are raised when captions announce that scenes of horror will be preceded by an alarm so that audience members can close their eyes to the grisly action. It’s clearly intended as a humorous conceit. Except it’s not at all funny.
The sound is generally poor throughout. Awful post-production effects have been added which sound only vaguely as they ought to – the sounds of axes thumping into human flesh sound more like someone dropping bags of sugar, and corpses hit the floor far too long after being felled. The dubbing is badly out of synch for much of the film.
The plot is similarly shambolic. Driven by the terrible dialogue, it seems confused and unfocused. The story of the cannibalistic trio takes far too long to unfold – it’s not at all necessary for the film to take so long establishing such a flimsy idea. It’s also quite misleading as it feels like it’s set to be the main strand of the story until it suddenly stops - a real dead-end.
The rest of the plot is predictably predictable. Dream sequences that may or may not be real, broken cars leading to characters being stranded, a policeman who may not be all he seems, a population who may be in on it, and a charismatic svengali who appears to be pulling the strings. It’s obviously a B-movie, and nobody would expect it to be plotted like Inception, but it still seems like very lazy film-making to rely on such obvious clichés.
The only character worthy of the name is Reverend St John. He’s a mysterious creation with more than a hint of vampire about him, a penchant for Shakespeare, and a harem of girls in thrall to him. He’s a preposterously over the top creation, but an entertaining one – and is played with camp relish by Ulrich. The other characters are half-drawn at best. The men look like they’ve kidnapped from 1970s football pitches – all massive moustaches and bubble perms. Levy’s appearance is impressive – his fur coat gives him a particularly pimpy air. Although he’s not nearly as furry as the bizarrely hairy upper arms of one of the incidental male characters. The womenfolk of the town barely feature unless they’re baring their breasts.
Usually a film like this can be slightly redeemed by a couple of good set-pieces or a smattering of decent jokes. Sadly, there are none to be seen. Thankfully Cannibal Girls is mercifully short. Yet despite clocking in at just 84 minutes, it still badly outstays its welcome with scenes dragging on and on forever. A more judicious editor might be able to make a fifteen minute short which was just about watchable. As it is, the whole affair is badly bloated.
There’s little of interest for anyone here except Reitman or Levy completists. The plot is full of gaping holes; the acting is shoddy, and the production values pitiful. Although everyone has to start somewhere, it’s difficult to believe that the man at the helm would later produce and direct classics like Ghostbusters. But having said that, he did also make Kindergarten Cop. RW
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